A Defining Moment

Tuesday I will go in for a scan to see if my tumors are shrinking. As you may or may not know, I have one massive tumor in my inferior vena cava which causes my legs to grow tired easily and occasionally swell due to a lack of circulation. I also have six smaller tumors growing in my lungs. If they determine that the tumors are shrinking, then Wednesday, I will start my third round which would put me half way through the six I am scheduled for. However, If they determine that the tumors are not shrinking, or in fact growing, then they will try another chemo recipe, in which case i may have to repeat the first two cycles again, and the chances of succes are less great.

I have always felt, that I have business left unfinished on the earth and this bout of cancer is simply an opporunity to pause and align my priorities. One of the reasons I believe this is the uncanny timing of the whole thing. I was just settling into my dream job editing commercials and writing films. The crew I worked with was great and very accommodating to me. I was learning a lot and building a great resume of work. I also was dating and beginning to see myself as a married man.

I watched a documentary about a women with cancer who after quitting her job and moving home realized her life was changing by leaps and bounds. She then realized that cancer was not killing her life, it was driving her life. She then began dating and eventually married the director of the documentary. She ended up with a life far different from her old life. I would like to believe that my cancer is doing a similar thing to my life. In a way it's exciting and in another way it's daunting to try and own up to the changes I feel. However if any of this is to gain any momentum, it will start with Tuesday's scan.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me and made donations. I have been deeply humbled by your generosity and I hope I can return the favor in some small way.